Publications

Procrastination

Imagine how good your life would be if you did everything you needed to do in a timely and efficient manner. You would have a lot less stress. You would enjoy better health. You might even make more money. Unfortunately, most of us find it much too easy to put things off.

Psychologists have discovered that procrastination is not caused by a lack of will power. Instead, it is the result of overly negative "self-talk." So often, just when we are about to begin an important task, we allow our minds to be flooded with negative thoughts. These include thoughts such as: "I don't have time to do it all now, so it's not worth starting," or "This will be too hard," or even "I just don't feel like it."

The secret to overcoming procrastination is to "talk back" to these negative thoughts. That is, we need to develop more positive thoughts that gently but firmly rebut the negative thoughts. An example might be, "It's true that there's not much time, but at least I can get started." I have seen many of my clients use this simple technique to overcome procrastination and become more productive.

To learn more how to use "self-talk" to overcome procrastination, I suggest these books: The Feeling Good Handbook, by David Burns, M.D. and What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D. Get these books today. Don't procrastinate!

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D., Psychologist & Life Coach
Phone: 770-668-0350

Oops, I Forgot
Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.

I don't understand my memory. I forget names of people I met two minutes ago. I misplace things. I look for items but then forget what I wanted. My memory is very bad.

But in other ways, my memory is very good. I retain information about my clients, I can name all of the Presidents, and I rarely lose at Trivial Pursuit.

When my clients report memory problems, I often suggest they consult with a neurologist. However, more often than not, their memory problems are associated with depression, ADHD, or just "normal forgetfulness."

Rather than worry about memory, I have learned tricks to work around it. If I need to take a book to work tomorrow, I put it in the car the night before. When I meet someone, I repeat his name in the conversation. I would be lost without my appointment book and Franklin planner.

They're doing great things in brain research so we'll probably have a true "memory pill" someday. In the meantime, make the best of the memory you've got.

A Magic Word

I'm going to share my magic word. It helps combat discouragement and turns potentially disastrous days into productive ones. It's good for your health, your self-esteem, and can make you a better person. It can even put money in your pocket. The magic word is "Nevertheless." Here's how I use it.

• "I'm tired and I've earned the right to goof off. Nevertheless, I can get a few more things done and then relax."
• "It's very cold outside and I don't feel like walking today. Nevertheless, it's very important so I'm going to do it anyway."
• "I'm upset and ice cream is my comfort food. Nevertheless, I will find a better way to deal with my feelings."

Do you see the power of that word? It allows us to pause and realize that we have choices. There are always reasons (or excuses) to do what's unhealthy, unproductive, or morally questionable. Nevertheless, we can still choose to do the right thing.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Weight Loss Coaching

Anything is possible! Last year, I started a weight loss program the week before Thanksgiving. Between November and March, I lost 28 pounds and kept it off since then. So I actually lost weight over the holidays!

Don't be impressed with me. I don't possess tremendous will power or self-discipline. I just applied basic behavioral principles. Many of these principles are in my forthcoming book, Consider It Done: Ten Prescriptions for Finishing What You Start. I just decided to walk my talk.

One principle is a willingness to be accountable. It's hard to change on your own. An experienced coach can help you stay motivated, keep on track, and overcome those nasty excuses that hold you back.

I enjoy coaching clients for weight loss. Unlike therapy which is done in person, coaching sessions can be done by phone, which makes it much more convenient.

Yes, the holidays are coming and weight loss may not be on your "to do" list. Clip out this column and place it on your refrigerator as a reminder. I'll be back with more weight loss ideas after the New Year.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Weight Loss Coaching II

Only two months into 2002 and we've already seen so many ads for weight loss products. Everyone has a theory: Eat bread; don't dare eat any bread. Don't eat fat; eat all the steak and eggs you want! What is a dieter to believe?

In spite of the theories, there are only two things that we know for sure. One, burn up more calories than you take in and you'll lose weight. It may be slow but it will happen.

Second, we know that weight loss begins in the mind. Donuts, sweets and potato chips are not the enemy. It's our attitude about food that determines our success. If we tell ourselves that we "must" eat the donut, we will eat it. But if we see ourselves as being free to choose what we eat, we can make rational decisions. We're no longer victims. We're in control.

The good news is that an "in control" attitude can be learned. If you don't have it, a coach can help. For more information about coaching, visit www.drhibbs.com.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Weight Loss Coaching III

How do you make decisions? Do you always act on emotion or impulse? Probably not. You went to work today or drove the kids to school even though you didn't "feel" like it. Most mature decisions are based on principle, purpose and plan.

Principle tells us to tell the truth even when it would be easy to be dishonest. Purpose makes us spend time with our kids even when we're too tired. If we plan adequately, we show up to our appointments. Yes, emotions are important but they cannot govern us.

So how do you decide what and when to eat? Do you eat because you're anxious, angry or bored? Do you eat too much when you're not even hungry?

You already know how to make decisions based on principle, purpose and plan. Learn how to make your food choices the same way and you will reach your weight-loss goals. For more information on weight-loss coaching, go to www.drhibbs.com

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Social Anxiety Disorder

Does being nervous or uncomfortable around other people keep you from doing things you want to do? Does being the center of attention make you feel nervous and self-conscious? Millions of Americans experience severe anxiety in a number of social situations. When such anxiety interferes with the quality of a person's life, we call it "Social Anxiety Disorder."

Perhaps you have seen the TV commercials for Paxil, an antidepressant medication that has been approved by the FDA for the treatment of social anxiety. Medication can help reduce anxiety in social situations, but many people prefer a non-medical solution. Fortunately, there is substantial research evidence that suggests that cognitive-behavioral therapy is a very effective method for overcoming social anxiety.

In cognitive-behavioral therapy, the client is taught how to control the physical symptoms (e.g. rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, muscle tension) that often accompany social anxiety. The client is also taught how to overcome his/her fears by developing more positive ways of thinking about the situation. The therapist acts as a coach who encourages the client throughout the whole process. If the client lacks the social skills necessary to feel comfortable, these are taught as part of the treatment.

Personally, I love coaching people through this process, because I can see them literally set free from the bondage of fear that may have held them down for years. If social anxiety is holding you back, I urge you to seek help from a psychologist who uses the cognitive-behavioral approach.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

The Power of Persistence

Are you discouraged? Is college harder than you thought? Is that weight-loss program not going well? Did you start your business with enthusiasm, but the recession has you doubting.

Try this exercise: Imagine that you are talking to your best friend, someone you really admire. Your friend is discouraged but you know she can do it. What would she need to hear? Would you remember past successes? Would you give her a gentle push? Would you assure her of your friendship, even if she fails?

Write down what you would say to her and then say those things to yourself. Be as encouraging to yourself, as you would be to your best friend!

The closer I get to my goal, the more my negative self-talk starts. I just ignore it and move on. So can you!

Winston Churchill, the greatest orator of the 20th century, was asked to speak at a school graduation ceremony. This was his entire address:

"Never give up.
Never give up.
Never, never, never give up!"

As our nation faces the challenges ahead, we all need to be reminded of the power of persistence.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

The Emotional Bank Account
Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.

Is your family life as pleasant and fulfilling as it could be? If not, do not despair because there are things you can do to improve the quality of your family relationships. In his landmark book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, Steven Covey introduces us to the concept of the "emotional bank account." If a relationship is wounded, we have probably made too many "withdrawals" and not enough "deposits" into that person's account. We make deposits into his/her account by praise, positive attention, sincere apologies, or acts of service. Examples of withdrawals are such things as criticism, sarcasm, ignoring, or failing to keep promises.

Even with the people we love the most, our bank account is usually seriously overdrawn. The only solution is to regularly make deposits while avoiding withdrawals. This takes courage and considerable self-discipline. After all, you may believe that their account with you is seriously overdrawn, and you may resent having to be the one to change. However, change must start somewhere, so it might as well start with you.

It might help you to think of these deposits as long-term investments. You probably will not see results immediately. In fact, your loved ones might think there is something wrong with you. Nevertheless, if you persist, you will be rewarded many times over. It's a small price to pay for a happier family live.

The Joy of Motivational Books

On the occasion of this issue devoted to positive psychology, I have a confession to make. I love motivational self-help books. By that, I don't mean books designed to help you overcome anxiety, depression, abuse, or addiction, although I like those books too and often recommend them to my clients.

The books I'm referring to are often referred to as "positive attitude" books or "success literature." Books that motivate, inspire, and encourage you to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. Books that suggest that you see the good in people and try a little harder to get along with them.

Books that dare to suggest that it's OK to make a lot of money.

I was first introduced to these books at the age of 20. Wanting to become a polished speaker, I signed up for the Dale Carnegie Course. Everyone was given a copy of the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. Originally published in 1936, it is still in print and still a big seller. It's impossible to read that book and not be a nicer person. I know one multimillionaire who reads it once a year.

Less well known but just as good is Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. As a young man concerned about my future, I found it very helpful to "live in day-tight compartments." I also learned Mr. Carnegie's three step process for dealing with worry that I still teach to my clients. In 23 years of clinical practice, I have found nothing better.

So as a young man starting out, I was fortified with a lot of good stuff. Then I went to graduate school in psychology and became much too intelligent and sophisticated to be caught dead reading such simplistic notions. I started thinking in terms of psychopathology, object relations, family systems, whatever. I learned a lot but became a little cynical and negative in the process.

About five years ago, I was introduced to some of the more recent work of this genre. I was fortunate because the first one I read was The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I was immediately impressed by the high moral tone of his writing, and his contention that effectiveness is based on character; and character, while it can be nurtured, cannot be faked. I didn't just read that book. I inhaled it. I bought some of his tapes and listened to them repeatedly. I internalized many of his concepts. It has become natural for me to "Be Proactive," "Begin with the End in Mind," and "Think Win-Win." His simple Four-Quadrant Model of time management has helped me be much more productive than I ever was before (I would not have written this article without it.)

Since reading Covey, I have acquired a new taste for this material. Some of it is poorly written and repetitious, but a steady diet of this kind of nourishment is good for the mind and soul.

Here are some of my recent favorites: In Failing Forward, Atlanta author John Maxwell urges us to see failure as just a stepping-stone to ultimate success. A four volume series called Storms of Perfection by comedian Andy Andrew is a series of letters (some real some fictional) of famous people reporting how they had turned failure into success. And many of you have no doubt heard of Spencer Anderson's, Who Moved My Cheese? This is a delightful fable on the importance of being flexible in the new economy.

There is a nice merging of psychology and self-help in Changing for Good by psychologists James Prochaska, John Norcross, and Carlo DiClemente. The authors describe six stages of human change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination. To be successful in facilitating change, we must understand what stage our client is in and make interventions appropriate for that stage.

I have been so inspired by these books that I have decided to write one of my own. Even though I've completed a couple of rough drafts, it needs a lot of work and I haven't decided on a title. But I feel so good about myself these days, I know I'll finish it eventually. Maybe I'll even make a lot of money!

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Traveling with Kids

OK, it's time to load up the car and take the kids on that long-awaited vacation. Even if it's just a long weekend, I hope you've planned some time away with your family.

Vacations give us the opportunity to create rich family memories. Even a "bad" vacation is better than no vacation at all. My family has suffered many a disaster on vacation. We have endured injuries, ear infections, frayed nerves and more than a few arguments. And yet, unpleasant incidents often make for the most entertaining stories. We love recalling how one Florida vacation was wiped out by 12 inches of rain. It's part of our history and we love it!

We have also had our glorious moments. We have strolled beaches at sunset, explored Civil War battlefields, and toured the White House on the Fourth of July. Best of all, we have had great conversations, which wouldn't have occurred at home.

When you read this column, I'll be on vacation. We've got two teens, so there are only a few years left to travel together. I plan to take advantage of these years, and I suggest that you do the same

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Men, Invest In Your Marriage

Guys, have you noticed that the things of value need maintenance? Cars need oil and houses need fresh paint. Neglect basic maintenance and you're looking for trouble. A little maintenance can also prevent marital problems. Your wife already understands this. That's why she gave you this article. You may not want to read it, but read it anyway and consider it an investment in a happy marriage.

Here are two simple maintenance tips. First, turn off the TV and listen to your wife. Sometimes she just wants your undivided attention. If she talks about a problem, don't give advice unless she asks for it. Instead, show her that you care by saying things like "Sounds like that really bothered you." You might feel goofy talking this way, but it will be well worth it.

Second, apply the principle of edification. We edify people by building them up and helping them feel good about themselves. Neither you nor your wife is perfect, so choose to focus on her good qualities. Constantly tell her what you sincerely like, admire and appreciate about her. You'll both feel great!

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Don't Panic!

Does this ever happen to you? Out of nowhere, you experience a number of troubling physical symptoms. You heart begins to pound or you have difficulty breathing. You might experience chest pains or stomach upset. Perhaps you fear that you are dying or about to go crazy. Symptoms like these are often indications of a panic attack. Millions suffer from panic attacks and do even realize what is happening to them.

The good news is that we know a lot more about the physical and psychological mechanisms that cause panic attacks, and we now have very effective treatments. According to research, cognitive-behavioral therapy is now the most effective psychological treatment for panic. This is a very practical, short-term therapy that often leads to a complete elimination of panic symptoms. It can be used in conjunction with appropriate medication.

I recently saw a woman who was so completely paralyzed by fear that she rarely left her home. She would not walk up her stairs for fear that the "strain" would cause a heart attack. This was a very competent and successful woman who just happened to suffer from panic attacks. Using the skills we taught her, she was able to regain normal functioning.

There is no need to suffer from panic attacks any longer. If you have them, I urge you to consult with a mental health specialist who uses the cognitive-behavioral approach.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.
770-668-0350

Busy, But Not Productive?

Does this describe you? You�re extremely busy. You rush from one errand to another. You dash through the grocery store, pick up your dry cleaning, and pay a few bills. Maybe you check your email or look for new recipes on the Internet.

After rushing around all day, maybe you crash in front of the TV at night. There might be other things you could do, but you just can�t face them right now.

So, at the end of the day, you realize that you have been very busy, but you don�t feel that you have been very productive.

You didn�t exercise. You didn�t work on the long-delayed repair project. You didn�t read anything that made you smarter. And, you didn�t have quality time with people you care about.

In other words, you did a lot of things, but you didn�t do any of the things that really matter to you. As Steven Covey would say, you were �stuck in the thick of thin things.�

The solution lies in proactive planning. Make a list of activities that are important to you, but which tend to get neglected. This might include exercise, writing, reading, time with loved-ones, community involvement, home-improvement projects, or any activities that add value to your life.

Then make a commitment to add just one or two of these activities to your schedule for next week. �Nail� these activities into your schedule. See them as �appointments� that you have a responsibility to make. Start small.

If you regularly keep your appointments, you will find that the other stuff (e.g. groceries, dry cleaning, etc.) will still get done. They will neatly fill the spaces around your really �important� activities.

If you aren�t in the habit of weekly planning, I urge you to start doing so now. Every Sunday night, I look over my calendar and decide on what �important� things I plan to do in the week ahead. It�s a little investment of time that reaps enormous benefits.

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D., Psychologist & Life Coach
Phone: 770-668-0350

To Change Behavior, Measure

Some years ago, at a business seminar, the speaker asked for a married couple to come up on the stage. The husband was asked to hold his breath for as long as he could.

So the man held his breath and the leader timed how long he was able to hold it. From the strain on the man�s face, he was clearly struggling to hold it as long as he could. When he finally took a breath, the leader announced that he had held his breath for 35 seconds.

Then the leader asked him to hold it again. This time, however, his wife would announce every 5 seconds that passed. In addition, she (along with all of us in the audience) would encourage him to hold on as long as he could.

So, the man held his breath again, while his wife counted out � 5, 10, 15, 20, �� We all became excited and shouted our encouragement. His wife continued to count �30, 35, 40, 45,�� Still the man held on. �50, 55, 60, 65, 70, ��

Finally, after 70 seconds, he took a breath. He had doubled his time!

So what was different the second time? Of course, it must have been very motivating to be encouraged by his wife and everyone in the audience.

But even more important was the fact that he had a measurable goal that he wanted to surpass.

This illustrates an important principle: �If you measure your behavior, you will improve your behavior.�

If you keep a record of your exercise, you will exercise more. If you keep a food journal, you will eat less.

I find that keeping a food journal is the single most important factor in keeping my weight where I want it to be.

So what behavior do you want to change? Do you want to lower your weight, blood sugar, cholesterol, or blood pressure? Do you want to increase your exercise?

Whatever it is; measure it, and it will improve!

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D., Psychologist & Life Coach
Phone: 770-668-0350